Addressing Conflict
A simple framework for turning conflict into productive outcomes.
Included in these Programs: STEP Training - LEAP Courses
Tool Overview
Addressing Conflict is the practice of recognizing, understanding, and working through conflict in a way that leads to better outcomes, rather than escalation.
Here’s what we know about conflict:
Conflict exists when expectations between people are not aligned or not met
Conflict is normal and often necessary for growth
Conflict can lead to stronger relationships and better decisions when handled well
Left unaddressed, conflict tends to spread, intensify, and cause harm
Most problems that seem like they’re caused by conflict actually come from avoiding it, mishandling it, or reacting too quickly.
This tool provides a simple structure to move through conflict more effectively:
The 3 R’s - Recognize · Relate · Resolve
Quick Practice: Try It Now
Choose a conflict you’re currently feeling, or a notable one from the past and then:
1 - Pause before reacting
Notice if emotions are elevated. If needed, use a tool like Emotion Wave Surfing first.
2 - Recognize the conflict
Name it clearly: “I think we’re seeing this differently.” Align on what the issue actually is.
3 - Relate to the other perspective
Ask open-ended questions: “Can you help me understand how you’re seeing this?” Listen to understand—not to respond.
4 - Reflect back what you hear
Show that you understand, even if you don’t agree.
5 - Move toward resolution
Ask: “What would a workable path forward look like for both of us?”
6 - Agree on next steps
Clarify expectations moving forward to prevent repeat conflict.
The 3 R’s in Practice:
Recognize
Acknowledge that a conflict exists.
Both parties clearly name the issue
Avoid vague or indirect communication
Sometimes this step reveals there isn’t actually a conflict
Key skill: Active listening
Relate
Work to understand the other person’s perspective.
You don’t need to agree—but you need to understand
Look for shared experiences or common ground
Stay curious instead of judgmental
Key questions:
What matters most to you here?
What am I missing?
Resolve
Find a path forward that works for both parties.
Focus on outcomes, not “winning”
Be willing to share power or adjust expectations
Clarify what happens next
Key questions:
What solution meets both of our needs?
What’s most important here?
Common Sources of Conflict
Understanding the source helps you choose the right approach to resolution.
Feeling unheard
Feeling powerless
Misunderstandings or lack of clarity
Differences in values or priorities
Lack of empathy or perspective-taking
Common Mistakes
Avoiding the conflict entirely and letting it build
Jumping straight to resolution without understanding the issue
Trying to “win” instead of solve
Making assumptions about intent
Escalating emotionally instead of slowing down
When to use
During interpersonal tension or disagreement
When expectations feel unclear or unmet
In team settings where alignment matters
After miscommunication or breakdowns
When something feels “off” but hasn’t been addressed
RELEVANCE
Why it works
Addressing Conflict draws from:
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) → Clarifying thoughts and assumptions reduces misinterpretation
DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) → Balancing acceptance and change supports effective communication
Trauma-Informed Approach → creating safety and reducing threat responses allows for more productive dialogue
Conflict often activates threat responses in the brain.
A clear structure like the 3 R’s helps regulate that response and keeps conversations focused and constructive.
Related Tools
Judgment Icebergs → for reducing assumptions during conflict
Emotion Wave Surfing → for managing emotional intensity
Active Listening → for improving understanding and connection
Accurate Expression (Speak Up) → for clearly communicating your perspective
Learn this in training
Addressing Conflict is taught as part of the STEP program, where participants practice applying it to real experiences and build it into ongoing routines.
