Opposite Action
Change emotional patterns by choosing a different response.
Included in these Programs: STEP Training - LEAP Courses
Tool Overview
Opposite Action is the practice of choosing a behavior that is opposite to what your emotion is urging you to do, when that emotion is not helpful or doesn’t fit the facts of the situation.
First: Every emotion comes with an urge:
Fear → avoid or escape
Anger → attack or confront
Sadness → withdraw or isolate
Shame → hide or shut down
These urges can be useful when they match the situation, but when they don’t, acting on them can keep you stuck, or even make things worse. Opposite Action helps you break that cycle.
Then: Instead of following the urge, you:
→ Allow the emotion to be there
→ And choose a different action
Over time, this creates new pathways in your brain that change how you respond in the first place. They key is determining whether the emotion urge fits the facts.
Check out this clip we use in our trainings: Opposite Action
Quick Practice: Try It Now
1 - Identify the emotion
Ask: What am I feeling right now?
2 - Check if it fits the facts
Ask: Is this emotion accurate and helpful for this situation?
If yes → respond normally
If no → move to opposite action
3 - Identify the urge
What is the emotion pushing you to do? (Avoid, shut down, lash out, withdraw, etc.)
4 - Choose the opposite action
Do the opposite of that urge:
Avoid → approach
Withdraw → engage
Attack → respond calmly
Hide → open up (appropriately)
5 - Start small
Pick a low-intensity version of the situation to practice.
6 - Stay with the experience
Use tools like Emotion Wave Surfing while you act.
Let the emotion rise and fall without escaping.
Example One
Situation: You feel anxious about speaking up in a meeting
Emotion: Fear
Urge: Stay quiet / avoid attention
Opposite Action: Share one thought or ask one question
You’re not trying to eliminate the anxiety.
You’re teaching your brain that the situation is survivable and manageable.
Example Two
Situation: You feel shame after making a mistake
Emotion: Shame
Urge: Hide, withdraw, avoid people
Opposite Action: Acknowledge the mistake and stay engaged
Over time, this reduces the intensity of shame and builds resilience.
Common Mistakes
Skipping the “fits the facts” step and using opposite action when the emotion is actually valid
Trying to eliminate the emotion first instead of acting while it’s present
Starting too big instead of choosing manageable steps
Giving up too quickly before new learning can occur
Confusing opposite action with ignoring reality
When to use
When you feel stuck in patterns like avoidance, withdrawal, or reactivity
When fear, shame, or anger is driving unhelpful behavior
During anxiety-provoking or uncomfortable situations
When you want to change long-standing emotional habits
In combination with exposure or skill-building work
RELEVANCE
Why it works
Opposite Action draws from:
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) → New actions create new learning and beliefs
DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) → Changing behavior can shift emotional responses over time
Trauma-Informed Approach → Gradual, safe exposure helps the nervous system update what feels threatening
Related Tools
Emotion Wave Surfing → for staying with emotions while acting
Drive Your Attention→ for shifting focus during high intensity
Identifying Primary vs. Secondary Emotions→ for understanding what’s underneath
Regular Unpacking → for reflecting on patterns over time
Learn this in training
Addressing Conflict is taught as part of the STEP program, where participants practice applying it to real experiences and build it into ongoing routines.
